When the Night Comes Read online

  Praise for Past the Shallows

  “That rare thing, a finely crafted literary novel that is genuinely moving and full of heart.”

  —The Age

  “Wintonesque.” —Herald Sun

  “A wonderful story told with a voice that I wanted to listen to. A voice that will stay with me for a long time.”

  —Sydney Morning Herald

  “A fresh and vital voice in Australian fiction.”

  —Australian Women’s Weekly

  “Parrett’s writing is exquisite in its simplicity and eloquence, and her narrative is heart-rending. This poignant story resonates.”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  “An amazing book by a wonderful writer—Cormac McCarthy meets David Vann meets Favel Parrett. Read this book.”

  —The Sunday Times

  “Clearly the work of a talented new novelist.”

  —The Weekend Australian

  “Parrett’s debut marks the addition of a strong voice to the chorus of Australian literature.”

  —The Canberra Times

  “Her prose is as powerful as a rip.” —The Australian

  “So real, so true—this novel sweeps you away in its tide.”

  —Robert Drewe

  “Parrett’s crystalline prose and her rhythmic sentences give the narrative a wave-like power.”

  —Australian Book Review

  “A small gem of a story.” —Who Weekly

  “A rare work of fiction.” —Good Reading

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  For my brother

  Blue-white ice that floats on a moving sea

  It is the opposite of gray

  It is the opposite of everything I had known

  There was a time when Vikings filled our house and there were people and parties and Mum was happy then.

  They were real Vikings. Big hulking Vikings who came from far away on a bright red ship, which busted through pack ice and made it all the way down to Antarctica. They had names like Anders and Bo and Finn and Henrik and they were all tall and blond, except for Bo, who had dark brown hair and gray-blue eyes. He was from a small island that was the sunniest place in all of Denmark.

  Bo liked to walk and keep on walking. He liked the smell of wet grass. He made us pancakes with jam and cream and he could get a tiny bird to eat right out of the palm of his hand without even trying. When we went out for pizza he always ate two slices at once, one piece on top of the other with the toppings on the inside, like a pizza sandwich. He could eat four pieces to my one and I liked him very much.

  Sometimes we would visit his ship. Nella Dan was all wood and brass and there were paintings in the mess—bright flowers and birds, green and orange and yellow. I liked to walk down the long passageways, go up all her stairs, from the bottom right up to the monkey deck and down again. I never grew tired of that.

  I would pretend she was my home, that my cabin was down below, cozy and wood-lined with a bunk just for me. A warm snug duvet and soft pillow, a round porthole that let the light in. All I needed.

  It was never dark—it was never night.

  Sleep now

  Close your eyes, hold them tight

  It’s just a strange dream that comes in the darkness

  Just a strange dream that comes in the night

  Don’t listen to the shouting

  Don’t listen for the sounds

  It’s just a strange dream that comes in the nighttime

  You are asleep

  I am asleep

  TO THE ISLAND

  We had dinner in the canteen, at a wooden table and the chairs didn’t move. They were stuck to the floor somehow.

  Mum was quiet, and my brother was quiet, and when we finished eating a man in a white uniform came over and said that the ship was going through the heads soon and that the forecast was for very rough seas. He was only looking at Mum when he spoke. He told her that it was advisable to get the children to bed as soon as possible.

  My brother fell asleep quickly, his small body tucked in tight on the top bunk. But I lay awake, waiting for the rough seas. Waiting to see what they would feel like so far down. Flights and flights of stairs down from the canteen and from the windows that looked out to the sky. Down where we were, there were no windows. Down where we were, there were only fluoro lights and bunk beds. The bathroom was down the passage and Mum had left us. She was upstairs somewhere, upstairs above us where there was air, and I wished that she would come back.

  I must have fallen asleep because when I woke the whole world was rocking and shaking and I was rolling in my bed. Not just from side to side, but up and down as well. Mum’s bed was still made. She wasn’t there.

  When I tried to get out of bed, I fell over and was sick on the floor. My brother was looking at me, his hands stuck fast around the railings of the bunk bed, his face white like death.

  “Where’s Mum?” he asked, but I didn’t know.

  He got down somehow, down from the bunk, and he didn’t fall. He stood holding on to the bed as the room turned over and over and he got a towel off Mum’s bed and put it over the vomit on the floor. He helped me up and in our pajamas we made it out the door and into the hall. Together we fell against the walls as the ship lunged, and we slowly moved toward the stairs. Up and up, gripping the rail. Up to the deck where the canteen was.

  There was hardly anyone around, only a few people sitting in the carpeted lounge, sitting with their heads in their hands. The canteen was empty and I couldn’t tell what time it was. Outside the windows it was dark.

  Outside it was black.

  Mum was sitting by herself on a bench attached to the wall of the ship under a Plexiglas roof. We sat next to her, holding on to the bottom of the bench tightly.

  Mum said that she would just have one more cigarette and then we could go inside. I looked at her white face and her white hands. She was always sitting places by herself in the night—always sitting by herself having one more cigarette.

  I told her that I had been sick and she wiped my forehead and cheek and said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” It looked like she was crying. She said it was just the sea spray and the cold. And it was cold. It was freezing and windy, and the wind cut into your back like you had no skin at all. I could hear the water crack against the ship, feel it hit then hear the spray shoot up. Only I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t see anything past the light cast out on the deck.

  Out there the world was raging in the blackness.

  We were going to a new place.

  We were sailing toward it in the night.

  An island in the middle of the sea.

  An island that was made of stone.

  It was only the ship that was keeping us safe. Only thin layers of steel and an engine pumping away in the dark were keeping us above the water, which would gladly swallow us all up like we had never ever been.

  MRS. WILSON’S B&B

  We stayed in a B&B.

  It was where we lived when we first arrived, after we got off the ferry and off the bus that drove through flat farming land and towns made of stones and old red bricks. Mum used the pay phone at the bus terminal in Hobart. She rang a place that was advertised on the information board and made a reservation. Abbey House Bed and Breakfast.

  I don’t think it was very far away but we had two big suitcases and my brother was tired, so we all got into a taxi that was waiting out in front of the bus
station.

  The taxi driver was a very big man. He was wearing a clean blue shirt and his buttons looked like they might pop open around his belly. He asked if it was our first time to “The Island” and my brother said yes, but my mum said no. I sat in the backseat and tried to imagine Mum being here before, maybe with Dad or maybe when she was young with her parents, but I couldn’t see it. I didn’t know this place.

  We weren’t in the taxi for long. We went up a steep hill and then around some curved streets and we were there. Battery Point. There were old houses, wooden houses, bare stone houses on the narrow streets, but they all seemed empty, deserted, and nothing moved. The sky was gray.

  We stopped on a corner by a sign that said MONA STREET.

  “You will be able to walk to the market from here come Saturday,” the taxi driver said. He got out of the car and helped Mum with our suitcases.

  Mrs. Wilson owned the B&B. She made my brother and me a cooked breakfast every morning and we ate it at the breakfast bar that looked out to the rose garden—a cottage garden. It was a cottage, the B&B, an old wooden cottage with a white picket fence and everything. It was just about the nicest place I had ever lived, except that we didn’t really live there. We were just staying there.

  I liked staying there.

  We stayed in a guest room for a week and then we moved to a room at the back of the house that Mrs. Wilson let us have for free. She told my mum that it was just until we got on our feet, until we got settled. I didn’t know what that really meant. Mrs. Wilson still wanted to make my brother and me a cooked breakfast every morning, but Mum said we should just have cereal and be polite.

  Mum found a house to rent three doors down on the same street about two weeks later. It was maybe the worst house in Battery Point. There were no other houses like it—dark and faded, set back in the shadows of the tall grand houses around it. Mum had to let out a room to afford the rent. The front room. The only nice room. My brother and I shared the attic, which had a slanting roof. It was okay except the wallpaper was peeling in parts near the ceiling and the only toilet was in the back garden. I didn’t like going down there in the dark, or even in the day much. But the yard had a huge walnut tree that our attic window looked out on, and when the walnuts were ripe my brother and I would stuff ourselves, eat them until our mouths were itchy and we could eat no more. Then we would smash fallen walnuts open and scatter them around the yard for the birds, for the forest ravens that were waiting in the tree.

  But I missed the B&B, how warm it was there, how bright. And sometimes after school, when my brother and I walked home from the ferry, Mrs. Wilson would be at her gate, and she’d call us in, tea and cakes waiting.

  RUN, RUN—KELLY’S STEPS

  The cold made it hard to breathe, burnt my chest—the stone and the concrete hard under my frozen feet.

  I’d take my brother’s sleeve and pull him along the empty streets of Battery Point. Early, we’d walk quickly. Everything still like always—only us. Frost on the windows of parked cars, thick and opaque and stuck fast.

  Mona Street, Francis Street, Hampden Road. At the end of Kelly Street there were steps down into darkness, the back of Salamanca all crumbled and decayed. Cuts in the quarry stone rounded, worn. A stone fortress, a gateway we had to pass.

  Run, run—Kelly’s steps.

  Some of the steps were bowed and stained, and the stains looked like old blood rusted orange with time. Blood soaked into the stone. We’d go down one step at a time as quickly as we could. Down, down, and we’d try not to look ahead into the dark lane. But at the bottom, in the cold cobbled shadows, ghosts would claw at our clothes, try to grab hold of our hair, whisper in the echo of the stone.

  Can you help me?

  Can you see me?

  Don’t leave me here.

  I’d pull my brother’s hand hard, and we’d run and run, not even breathe, until we were through. Until we were on the other side.

  Light.

  The open sky.

  An avenue of elm trees, the wharf beyond.

  We’d slow down, catch our breath, walk out across Salamanca Place. Out along the grass and under the trees, across the road to the long wooden jetty where we’d stand and wait for the ferry to come. We’d hardly talk. We’d just wait.

  We’d try not to think about Kelly’s steps, about how the dead pressed up against our skin in that dark place.

  THERE WAS A MAN

  The rain came down.

  I had my japara on, the hood covering my head and my hands tucked up inside. It was too big for me, the japara, but still the heavy black material kept most of the rain out. My brother was sick, at home. He’d been coughing in the night and was probably on the couch under his duvet watching TV, waiting for Mum to get up. It was really cold in that old house in Battery Point and there was no heater.

  I didn’t want to go to school. I thought about going home to look after my brother, but I didn’t. I just kept standing there in the rain, waiting for the ferry.

  It must have been really early—there was no one else at the jetty. I could see the air when I breathed and everything was water. I looked down, watched the rain fall on the slick, black surface of the river. The drops formed perfect circles that got bigger and bigger until I could no longer follow the whole circle at once. Time and space, the raindrops were separate. They fell in a kind of silence, but then the rain got harder, suddenly bursting, and there were too many drops to follow. The whole surface of the water prickled up and became rough and jumbled. The stillness gone.

  The rain smacked my japara hard and it sounded like being inside a tent. I turned so that the rain couldn’t hit my face. I looked down at my feet, at my wet sneakers. I closed my eyes and listened to the rain, listened to it fall on my hood. I imagined that the ferry was coming, that it was heading this way, pushing the water forward, pushing in against the wooden jetty. When I opened my eyes the ferry would be here and the captain, Peter, would run down from the wheelhouse to throw the thick rope around the wooden pylon and then he would help us on, one by one.

  I would go inside and get dry. I could get warm.

  I counted twenty drops of rain on my hood, then another twenty, and another. I kept my eyes closed. I counted forty more for good luck, then I opened my eyes.

  RED. Nothing but red. A bright red wall of steel.

  A ship, as tall as a building, as big as the sky, and when I looked up there was a man standing against the rail.

  He was tall, dressed in white, and he was waving. I turned around, but there was no one there behind me. There was only me. Me, standing on the little jetty opposite this giant ship, the hood of my japara covering half my face, and I knew the man couldn’t see my eyes, my hair. He waved again like he knew me. He waved.

  Someone could see me.

  I waved back, my hand still tucked up in my japara sleeve. We were both standing in the rain, the black water between us, and I don’t know why he was waving, but I waved back. I took notice.

  A red ship. A red flag flying in the breeze. A man dressed in white.

  Then a horn blew and I nearly jumped out of my skin. It was the ferry. People came from out of the gray nothing behind me, men in suits, other kids who caught the ferry to school, but everything was dull compared to the red. They were like fog, these people, blended into the gray rain and the concrete.

  When I looked back up at the ship, the man was gone. A patch of sunlight broke through the clouds, hit the red bow, just a tiny beam. For a second there was nothing else but the words written clear, white against red: Nella Dan.

  I said the words over and over in my head.

  Nella Dan.

  Nella Dan.

  Nella Dan.

  They made my heart beat out faster.

  MS Nella Dan

  VOYAGE 1, 1986/1987 SEASON

  15th September 1986

  POSITION: 46° 45.000’ S, 147° 27.000’ E

  CAPTAIN’S NOTE: Objectives of this voyage are to complete the surv
ey of Heard Island, and undertake the Antarctic Division BIOMASS Experiment—ADBEX III (survey krill and other zooplankton).

  We have made good progress; however we have remained in a southerly direction all night in order to minimize the effect of the severe weather system.

  * * *

  I wake—my eyes wide.

  Water smashes in against the port side and we swing wild. I cling to my bunk, my fingers grip the sheets, but my body rolls so far over that I end up against the bulkhead.

  I rest there. I lie right up on that thin wall, my duvet entwined around my feet.

  Come up, Nella. Right up.

  I lie still. I wait.

  Come up.

  She does.

  I fall back onto my bunk, take a deep breath. I keep breathing, strain to listen.

  The water hits hard again and we pitch over. I tense my core but I’m back against the bulkhead, sliding up toward the ceiling. I feel Nella shudder, grind her metal teeth. My bones vibrate against her. I try to relax, keep calm—it’s fine—but there’s this creaking, this screeching, as if every bolt that holds her together is coming loose. Coming apart.

  Come up, Nella. Right up.

  I feel her strain.

  We snap back with a jolt and my duvet flings across the cabin. I think about getting off my bunk to get it, but it is not cold. I’m not cold. I don’t know how long we have been in this storm. I was somewhere else, dead, not even dreaming.

  Now I am here, in a cabin on a ship.

  Now I am here, the Southern Ocean.

  I reach for my clock, but it’s not under my pillow. I feel Nella try to pull in, face the swell. Her energy races through me.

  Come on, Nella—ride straight!

  My cabin door flies open and light pours through. A silhouette staggers in, arms outstretched.

  “Hey, Bo,” it says.